Third Side Skills

No matter what Third Side role you favor or take within a conflict there are 3S skills that are useful to any thirdsider. There are three key sets of skills: Seeing from the Thirdside, Listening from the Third Side and Speaking from the Third Side.

See from the Third Side
When we take the 3S we are often trying to influence the situation. The truth is, we can’t even hope to influence other people unless we can influence ourselves. The first challenge we face is to gain perspective.

Listen from the Third Side
We tend to view ourselves as “in the right” when engaged in a conflict. Our internal judgments & biases can interfere with our ability to understand the differing perspectives in a conflict & therefore can make it difficult to find a solution that everyone can accept. In order to explore for possible agreement we need to learn to listen to all perspectives and consider the whole picture.

Speak from the Third Side
The words and actions we choose influence the conflicts around us. Speaking from the Third Side has the power to transform potentially violent conflicts into opportunities for collaboration. Once you have gained a view of the whole situation, it is easier to suggest that the parties involved work together to create a solution.


3S Skills – Speak from the Thirdside

Now that you have seen and listened from the Third Side, it is time to speak from the Third Side. The Third Side is always present as a silent partner; in speaking from the Third Side we give it voice and draw attention to it. Speaking as a thirdsider can take many forms, all of which are necessary at different stages of a conflict. A powerful form of speaking can be simply asking good questions of the parties involved. This alone serves to affirm the interests of the whole. Asking questions also creates an opportunity for the parties to reflect on their situation and ...

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3S Skills – Listen from the Thirdside

As a Thirdsider to consider the whole situation and to listen from the Thirdside. The key is your ability to Step to Both Sides. In order to consider the whole you need to understand each side within itself. We often predispose ourselves to seeing the world one way. Listening allows us on opportunity to see from multiple vantage points and allows us to see the whole. Listening is a simple way to show respect. Watch your intention in your listening. If your intention to listen is to find a way to convince them of "your way" , to prove them "wrong" or "convert the right ...

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3S Skills – See from the Thirdside

To gain perspective and see from the Third Side you need to Go to the Balcony. The Balcony is a mental place of calm and perspective where you can keep your eyes on what is truly important. Imagine that the conflict is happening on a stage and you are on the balcony overlooking the stage. Going to the balcony means taking a distanced view of close things. What do you see from up there? How does that alter your perspective? Going to the Balcony allows you to speak and listen with a measure of detachment. It permits you to be open to new ideas and possibilities. Improving ...

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Third Side Skills

No matter what Third Side role you favor or take within a conflict there are 3S skills that are useful to any thirdsider. There are three key sets of skills: Seeing from the Thirdside, Listening from the Third Side and Speaking from the Third Side. See from the Third Side When we take the 3S we are often trying to influence the situation. The truth is, we can't even hope to influence other people unless we can influence ourselves. The first challenge we face is to gain perspective. Listen from the Third Side We tend to view ourselves as "in the right" when ...

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